I'd just like to throw out some ideas that would make this next story a lot better. They wouldn't be rules, just general guidelines that usually help.
1. Try to focus on one character at a time. I noticed a lot of people tried to overreach in Red Bat. There would be a single paragraph on Gabriel, then that segment would stop, and we'd be on the Rival in another location. Try to give each character group a couple of paragraphs. Write from the perspective of those in the same place for more than one paragraph at a time. You might not get to write about the person you want to all the time, but Red Bat jumped around to the point where people were just throwing in random twists.
2. Give other writers a lead-in. Try not to end your paragraph at a …Read more >